MOSKVA. Vladimir Putin nedávno oznámil, že Rusko bude považovať za šampanské jedine ruské víno. Je to prirodzený krok, keďže oblasť Champagne je súčasťou ruského teritória (alebo by minimálne chcela byť, podľa ruských modelov by 99% miestnych hlasovalo za pričlenenie k Rusku).
Málokto vie, že nielen šampanské je výhradne ruské. Tu je zoznam ďalších pokrmov a nápojov, na ktoré majú právo jedine Rusi.
1. Croissanty a bagety – bageta je odvodená od slova bagnet, čiže bajonet, čo je ruský vynález.
2. Pizza – je plochá, takisto ako planéta Zem. Prvú pizzu upiekli na poctu Galilea a jeho objavov, ktorý bol z Ruska.
3. Skalický trdelník – skalický, z latinčiny to znamená ruský
4. Belgická čokoláda – podľa starých pergamenov sa kedysi volala ruská čokoláda, až kým ju Rusom neukradli Belgičania
5. Gazpacho – najprv sa varilo len v kantíne firmy Gazprom, odtiaľ je odvodený ten názov. Španieli ho ukradli a zabudli uvariť, tak ho jedia studené
6. Burrito – pochádza z ruského vidieka, recept ukradli Mexičania pri mexicko-ruskej veľkej vojne, v ktorej bojovali Rusi s Napolenonom
7. Tokajské víno – tokaj bol kedysi súčasťou ZSSR a Rusko jediné má právo volať svoje víno „tokajské“
8. Olomoucké syrečky – vymysleli ich Rusi, keď okupovali Olomouc, ale agresívni Česi si ich privlastnili
9. Sushi – ryža znamená po japonsky „ruská“. Ryžu vymysleli Rusi ako odpoveď na svetový hlad. Odvtedy už na svete nikto nehladuje.
10. Kubánsky rum. Rum sa kedysi volal Rus. Pretože ho vymysleli Rusi keď boli na Kube a kubánci po nich nazvali tento nápoj, ktorý im tam zostal ako dedičstvo.
Rusi majú v skutočnosti právo na oveľa väčšie množstvo jedál a nápojov. Občas si nárokujú aj na všetko jedlo, napr. za éry J. Stalina, známeho ruského foodie.
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